Tips to a showing-ready house. 

It’s always interesting when you see a house for sale that suffers from a less-than-perfect housekeeper (that’s almost all of them). Their real estate agent should have educated the owner about preparing for showings. This task is often more difficult when the seller has children. With this in mind, here is a list of tips you can consider when you are selling:

Tips to a Showing Ready House

You’ve got a Realtor and buyer coming in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO? Here is a tongue-in-cheek list of Showing Preparation Tips.

• TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS – If a room clearly can’t be whipped into shape in 30 days–much less 30 minutes–employ the Locked Door Cleaning Method. Tell anyone who tries to enter the room that the door was locked accidentally and you’ve lost the key. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom. Time: 2 seconds
• TIP 2: DUCT TAPE – No home should be without an ample supply. It is handy for plumbing repairs and a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, and just about anything. No muss, no fuss. If the windows need cleaning, try taping the curtains and blinds shut. If they can’t see the window, it doesn’t need to be cleaned. Time: 2-3 minutes
• TIP 3: OVENS – If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least nine cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they’re a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company is coming. Time: 2 minutes
• TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS – Like Secret Tip 3, except you can hide more. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here. Time: 2.5 minutes
• TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS – Like Secret Tip 4, except even more space. Time: 3 minutes
• TIP 6: BED SKIRTS – No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe bed skirts exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a bed skirt’s highest and best use is to hide whatever you’ve managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.) Time: 4 minutes
• TIP 7: DUSTING – The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around. Time: 3 minutes
• TIP 8: DISHES – Don’t use them. Use plastic or paper, and you won’t have to wash, but if you’ve got dirty dishes, the dishwasher is a great place to store them. Use the oven and washing machine if there are too many for the dishwasher. Time: 1 minute
• TIP 9: VACUUMING – Stick to the middle of the room. That is the only place people look. Don’t bother vacuuming under or behind furniture. It takes way too long, and no one looks there anyway. Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only
• TIP 10: LIGHTING – The key here is low, low, and lower. It’s not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt, including water stains on the ceiling. Time: 10 seconds
• TIP 11: BED MAKING – Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you lots of time over the course of a lifetime. Time: 0
• TIP 12: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS – Forget one and two. Concentrate on three. Just wipe the sinks with a bath towel and then hang it with the dirty side towards the wall. Time: 1 minute

Wouldn’t it be nice if a list like this was all you needed to help keep your house ready for showing? Well, actually, a list that is well-written and not intended to be a joke can be a real help. 

From our perspective, it seems some people don’t get it when they’re selling their house. We’ve shown homes with dog poop right in the middle of the foyer (it didn’t get cleaned up while we were there either) and ones that looked as if they’d been ransacked by burglars with drawers pulled out of dressers and dumped on the floor. However, some of the more memorable ones had people in bed who tried to pull the covers over them and pretend they were just a lump. 

Now, I’m changing from humor to offering serious advice. The takeaway for you as a seller is that when your home goes on the market, it transitions from being your home to being a product. As a product, it must compete with all other similar products to attract a buyer. People will only buy a home that doesn’t compete well if they get a hefty discount. To maximize your gain, you need to have a product that is easy to see, that sparkles, and presents its best side to all prospective buyers.